And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
