she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
