he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
