Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
