I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
