Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
