yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
