we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
