make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
