just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
