chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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