Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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