I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
