If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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