I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
