If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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