also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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