I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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