mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
