i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
