He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
