At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
