i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
