Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
