Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
my liver is dry heaving
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