You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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