Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
