She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
