I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
