If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
