we made out on top of his cat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
