You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
