I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
