seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
