My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
