Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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