It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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