I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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