i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
