Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
