and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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