If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
