will power is for people who don't want to get laid
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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