if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
