I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
