im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
