Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
