I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
