I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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