You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
